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Do You Communicate Confidence, or Just Hope for the Best?

Laurie Burton • October 6, 2020

Human dialogue, in my humble opinion, has taken a turn for the worse. 

Your message is important, and how you deliver your message is equally important.  If it’s not received, your message is lost.  You don’t want that.  We have to take responsibility for what we say… and how we say it.

For example, do you have any idea how you end your sentences? Do you end your sentences with a period—or a question mark?  Do you speak in lists?

 

Speaking in question marks makes the words spoken less impactful, less effective. It’s as though you’re asking for your audience’s agreement, approval or encouragement! At the very least, you’re asking them to confirm they understand. While it’s tempting to use this technique to keep listeners engaged it only serves to demonstrate that  you’re not fully confident in your message .

 

“So, I was working on this project?”  (Posed as a question rather than a statement, you’re really fishing for feedback, for affirmation:  “Yes?  You understand?”)

“And I was hoping for more support from my team?” (“Right?  Have you been there?”)

By seeking to keep listeners engaged in this way, you sacrifice your message and your power. It puts the burden on your audience to keep showing you they’re following you. Your message—and how you deliver it—should leave no doubt about your confidence in the message .  

There are better techniques for keeping them riveted, on the edge of their seats. 

Speaking with a period at the end of your sentences makes what you say a statement, not a question. Statements cause the listener to pay more attention to your words and perspective. It gives the speaker a sense of empowerment, while taking responsibility and ownership of the words they speak.

Start to listen to people speak: on television, in person (with a mask on), on the phone, wherever people are talking.  Watch for when someone makes a statement but frames it as a question. The message is deflated and de-energized.

Here is another pervasive habit that people use that does not communicate confidence:  SPEAKING IN LISTS.   Think of this as speaking only with commas, no periods.

What would happen if I got up in front of a group of people who had come to hear about my business and said… “Hello, I’m Laurie Burton, and I’m so happy to be here with you today, My business, Communicate Confidence will offer you the opportunity to come face to face with who you are, and how you come across.” ?

You’ve all heard this and we’ve all done it.  Not quite speaking in questions, speaking in lists makes everything the same.  It sounds like this, with a little up-speak (like a little question mark) after each piece.  You can picture the speaker counting off on their fingers each of the points they’re trying to make:

(1) “Hello, I’m Laurie Burton, (2) I’m so happy to be with you today, (3) and I’m here to help you communicate confidence, (4) whether you’re making a speech or a presentation, (5) or trying to make a sale, (6) you can make a big difference in how people perceive you, (7) and how they get on board.

Finally, a period! The paragraph above is written as one sentence while it’s really several separate thoughts and ideas. “Listing” them only disempowers each item on the “list.” 

You are already showing the audience that your words don’t matter, so why should they want to hear more?

It should be spoken as follows: “Hello!  (period, short pause, good eye contact) I’m Laurie Burton. (period and short pause, good eye contact). 

 

This is a very important moment. It says who you are and you must own that moment. You own it by letting people see you, by filling the room with your presence.   Giving a warm smile you make eye contact with your audience and say “I am so happy to be with you today.” (period, pause.) Calling upon your passion for life you say energetically, “My company is Communicate Confidence!” (period) Now, with warmth and strength, and animation, you say, “Our programs offer you the opportunity to come face to face with who you are and how you come across.”

 

The problem often arises when you are not comfortable with being seen.  They’re all looking at you, probably making judgments and decisions about you, and it’s uncomfortable. So, you tend to rush through your name and the rest of your intro and slide right into your content. When people are run by fear and uncertainty and have to speak, they do it as quickly as possible, first, to get it over with and, second, to fill any uncomfortable silence. Consequently, the audience is robbed of a real chance to get to know you and what you have to offer.

And, guess what? It all circles back to how reluctant people are to face their fears. I’m asking you to come to terms with the value of your message and, when you deliver it, to communicate confidence.

Laurie Burton Training Blog

3 Brave Steps to Becoming a Powerful New You

By Laurie Burton • March 22, 2022
Can you admit to becoming bored, even frustrated with your level of comfort? I can easily feel disappointment when someone I’m working with or the people in my networking groups will not be brave! I notice when people are too uncomfortable, reluctant, or afraid to extend themselves and try something new. I observe people constantly – both those that I know well and those that I have just met. It’s what I do because the core of my work is helping others to present themselves in a way that makes them stand out from the rest. After all, it’s a powerful way to get the success you deserve in a world where everyone is constantly vying for attention. When was the last time you felt brave enough to: Ask for something you really want Step out of your normal comfort zone Speak up about something you truly believe in Walk onto a stage, up to a microphone, or into a corporate setting Speaking of Up-Speak Because so many people speak in question marks today, the practice has actually been given a name. “Up-Speak” is the term for ending every sentence with a question mark instead of a period. This rising intonation at the end of every sentence causes those listening to wonder if the speaker is “sure” of what he or she is saying. It’s a real confidence killer. And while we all engage in this style of conversation from time-to-time, if overused during an interview, speech or presentation, it speaks to a lack of self-esteem and professionalism. Speaking up with confidence and authority is powerful in the following ways: Attracts and holds the attention of others. Permits you to ask for and get what you really want. Allows others to believe in your message – and have the confidence to trust in what you are saying. Speaking of Power Positive eye contact gives you the power to connect with others, inviting them in and communicating on a personal level that impacts and influences. This is how you make a difference. This is how you stand out from the rest. This is how you create more success in your life and in your work. The power of an attention-getting presentation belongs to those who will be brave – and it begins with addressing your fears. It continues with using those fears to your advantage. Here’s what I mean: One of the most common fears we all share is the fear of being judged. Since you’ll be judged no matter what you are saying or doing in this life, doesn’t it make sense to make it an engaging introduction or interesting presentation? Knowing that you’ve done a great job in reaching out to your audience results in a powerful feeling of having done your best; that you’ve succeeded in connecting with them. At this point, you’ll be prepared to let go of all expectations and judgments. Neale Donald Walsch says it this way, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” Speaking of a New You Your job is to be the best you can be. If you’re willing to stretch your comfort zone you’ll soon experience the powerful new you who is able to enjoy: Being comfortable at a higher level Less tension, anxiety, and fear of judgment Maintained poise and composure, without hiding or sacrificing your vitality or true personality. You are free and powerful – because you are brave! 3 Brave Steps You Can Take Now When fear erodes your confidence and self-esteem it’s time to: 1. Step out of your comfort zone 2. Step up to what it is that you know you were meant to do 3. Step into the life you were meant to live I’d love to help you Rock That Interview or Raise Your Keynote. If you’re ready to get the success you’ve been craving, grab your FREE copy of Animation: The Physical Expression of Your Life Force NOW to get started!

How Do You Define Charisma?

By Laurie Burton • March 21, 2022
Charisma can be defined as having the confidence to be fully yourself – your most engaging, most charming, most energetic, attractive, vibrant, alive self. Our charisma training came as a result of a two-day workshop we did with the Marketing Director of a major corporation and his team. We were on the topic of charisma and how it applies to personal development and public speaking when the director made an interesting comment. He said, “Who I am at work is very different from the person I am at home.” I commented that it must be very difficult dealing with that split personality everyday. “Could it be that you are robbing your team of a whole different side of you? What effect does that have on you leadership skills? Your spontaneous creativity and freedom of thought get beaten down with that kind of thinking.” Many of us are uncomfortable with using the word charisma in relation to ourselves, reluctant to claim what is special and unique about us — which is ironic, since that’s what charisma is all about. I understand why people feel that way, but consider how much you’re leaving on the table. It’s hard to maintain the energy required to perform at your highest level when you shut essential parts of yourself down. When we stand firm and communicate from a deeper level than just the surface of our personality, we are giving our charismatic self a chance of being seen. This young leader decided to take on developing his charisma. While the work was, at times, risky and uncomfortable, he emerged with a whole new way of being. He was still the same person but now he carried a new kind of energy and sense of self. People who communicate charismatically have the ability to inspire and connect with anyone. The following quote embodies this quality and lies at the very foundation of the Laurie Burton Training. “There’s a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost—the world will not have it.” ~ Martha Graham Every client and every student I have taught has recited this quote. Their assignment has always been to “embody” or express the meaning of the words – so that when they say the word vitality they say it with energy, spirit and passion. It is through this process that they learn a new way of expressing themselves and tapping into the source of their charismatic self. Who do you know who freely expresses their charismatic self?

The Greatest Communicator – Life

By Laurie Burton • March 6, 2021
Hello everyone.  Before I write this blog I wanted to thank all of you for being a part of, and for your interest in Laurie Burton Training. I love what I do! Helping people realize their potential and embrace their individuality. BUT, there are times when I have to “practice what I preach.”  Example: All […] The post The Greatest Communicator – Life first appeared on Laurie Burton Training.

Communicating With Charisma

By Laurie Burton • February 5, 2021
Charisma can be defined as having the confidence to be fully yourself – your most engaging, most charming, most energetic, attractive, vibrant, alive self. Our charisma training came as a result of a two-day workshop we did with the Marketing Director of a major corporation and his team. We were on the topic of charisma and how it applies […] The post Communicating With Charisma first appeared on Laurie Burton Training.

Communicating in 2021

By Laurie Burton • January 12, 2021
Reluctant as I was to write a New Year’s post, I knew that it would be a good thing for me to go ahead and do it. I’ve always been a glass-half-full kind of  woman, so here I go. When my husband and I brought in the New Year, I didn’t know what I was […] The post Communicating in 2021 first appeared on Laurie Burton Training.

Animation: The Physical Expression of Your Life Force

By Laurie Burton • November 6, 2020
Having worked for over three decades with people at every level of the business world, I’ve witnessed many aspects of the corporate experience. I’ve observed CEOs, managers, directors, vice presidents and presidents in sales and marketing, design and development, finance, legal and operations departments. The main problem I was hired to solve?- poor communications and […] The post Animation: The Physical Expression of Your Life Force first appeared on Laurie Burton Training.
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